Saving A Lion
by KiroujisWonderland
Summary: "Please. I don't care what you do. Take my life and give it to him, I don't care. Please, just let him live." A Phil x Dan fanfiction! Rated T for suicide, cutting, depression, and all of that.
1. Chapter 1

Quick A/N Warning:  
Yay! A Dan x Phil Fanfiction~ This story does contain suicide, cutting, triggers, depression, LGBT, and all of that. If such things do affect you, please don't continue reading_. _If you choose to read on… Well Enjoy3  
~~~~__

Please. I don't care what you do. Take my life and give it to him, I don't care. Please, just let him live.

~~~~~~~~~~

A soft yawn escaped my pale lips as I slowly opened my cinnamon brown eyes, sitting up in my bed. '9:30.' I groaned at the time. It was the weekend; there was no reason to be up so early. I debated whether or not to lie back down and sleep another few hours, but it didn't look like my body would allow that. I was wide awake. I stood up, walking over to the full length mirror positioned on my wall. My hair was a mess. "Hobbit hair," I mumbled, running my fingers through my locks, hoping to fix it, even if it was in the slightest. Lazily, I threw on a shirt laying on the ground as well as a proper pair of pants, before deciding to go into the kitchen to make Phil and I breakfast. He surely must have been awake by now, considering he was a morning person compared to myself. It always amazed me how we managed to get along so well. We were total opposites; yet in the same sense we were exactly alike. I always questioned how this could be the case.

I slowly stumbled into the kitchen, opening the cupboards in hopes of finding something of interest to eat. 'Cereal… Cereal… Oh look! More cereal.' I slammed the cupboards shut. What a dull breakfast. "Maybe I'll see if Phil want's to come into town with me. We could get some food and Starbucks while we're at it to wake up." I thought aloud, scratching the back of my head. I began pacing the kitchen, when a little note on the table caught my eye. 'What's this…?' It was such a simple looking note, but it was wrapped so nicely. It was too early for mail, so surely it must've been from Phil. Yet this note was different than the ones he usually left. The notes Phil usually left were quick scribbles saying, 'I'm off to get milk!', and then signed with a cute little lion drawing. Why was this one different? It was folded with delicate hands tied with a small bow. Perhaps it was an invitation to a party of a sort? My curiosity slowly got to me as I reached out and opened the note.

_Dan,_

_I'm so sorry this is how you'll find out. I know if I waited till you woke up or if I started acting differently than usual, you may suspect something. This is something I've wanted- no. Needed to do for months. If I don't do it now, then I know I never will. There's so much pain, Dan. I feel like I'm screaming only for no one to hear me. You're the only one who was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Yet the rest of the world simply threw me away. I know this will hurt you the most, and I'm so sorry. But please, don't cry. I've been dead for years. This was a fate that I knew I would reach eventually. Just know one thing, okay? I love you. I'll always be here with you. Please don't try to save me. I want this to happen. Goodbye, Dan.  
Love,  
Phil_

I felt my body shake as I read the short note. No, this couldn't be happening. It's impossible… My mind began to race, images of Phil flooding to my mind. I ran as fast as I could to Phil's room, opening the door and scanning the room. My eyes widened as I saw my friend's body struggling to stay alive. The black haired boy was shaking violently, his wrists covered in blood. My heart was pounding as I flipped open my cell phone, typing the number 999 with a shaky hand. "Y-Yes. It's my friend. He's bleeding, and he's… dying." I choked out the last word, tears streaming from my face. The woman on the other line comforted me, saying there will be someone there soon. I mumbled my thanks, before throwing my phone across the room and kneeling at Phil's side. There was so much blood, I felt sick looking at the deep gashes that lined his arms. I grabbed a nearby shirt, tying it to the wounds as tight as I could. "Phil, don't you dare die on me." I stuttered out, watching as the shirt quickly became soaked with blood. I brought the boy onto my lap, holding him close to my chest as his teeth clattered. "It's so… Cold." He whispered, moving as close to my chest as possible. "shhh… Don't speak." I whispered back, rocking him back and forth in my arms. With each breath Phil's breathing slowed, and his once bright, blue eyes slowly dulled. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. Why did this have to happen…?

The ambulance seemed to take such a long time. I watched as they took my friend and loaded him onto a stretcher, beginning to insert several needles into him. I couldn't help but wince at the sight. Phil never was a fan of needles. The ambulance drove away, bringing Phil to the nearby hospital. I felt so helpless. There must have been a way to save him. Why didn't I pick up sooner? His questions… He asked so many questions. "Dan, what if I died?" Yet I always laughed it off, and he did too. Why couldn't I see the signs?

I slowly stood up only to feel my legs give up from under me and have me fall back into my friend's blood. I could care less. I felt so numb. I clutched my head as I wept, memories racing through my mind. What if that was the end? What if they'd live to see no more memories?

"Phil… I swear to God you better fucking live. I can't live a life without you. If you don't… I'm fucking joining you!" Dan screamed through tears, before falling into a dark abyss.

_Please. I don't care what you do. Take my life and give it to him, I don't care. Please, just let him live._

~~~~~  
A/N Time!

My first chaptered fanfiction! :D How exciting! On top of that, it's a Dan x Phil fiction~  
Anyway, Rates and Reviews are much appreciated! ^0^ See you next chapter!__


	2. Chapter 2

Helpless. I felt so… Helpless. How could I not, staring at my friend lying still on the bed. The only movement he showed was the rising and falling of his chest.

_"He'll survive. He's just sleeping right now. We stabilized him." Oh, how that sentence filled me with hope. Phil, my best friend, he was going to survive._

I reached out for his hand, taking it into my own. His pulse beat rhythmically with mine. A small smile formed on my face as I breathed out the first sigh of relief that day. To think, if only I went back to bed, he would have been… Dead. My mind began to wander, thinking about all the things that would have happened if that were the case. To imagine his cold, lifeless body being put in a casket. To imagine never seeing his smile again. Such things were a horrid thought.

I was snapped back into reality when I heard a knock at door. Quickly letting go of Phil's hand, I stood up, nodding my head in acknowledgement at the doctor walking in. "Hi, I'm Doctor Jones," he said, reaching out to shake my hand. I weakly shook back, seeing how he carried in with him a tray of syringes. Doctor Jones must have sensed my discomfort, seeing as how he chuckled as he pulled his hand away. "Sorry. These are just a few things for extra precaution. According to his charts, Mr. Lester here hasn't had his tetanus vaccination in a while, and is quite overdue for it. We just want to be careful that the blade he used wasn't rusty or anything that would cause more problems." It was now my turn to let out a small giggle. Leave it to Phil to be stubborn enough to refuse getting the shot that would help him. "Will it hurt him much?" I mumbled, looking down at the ground. "Not at all, considering he's asleep." The doctor replied, beginning to prep Phil's skin for the injection. "So, how did your friend get to this state, if you don't mind my asking? It will help us get him proper treatment once he wakes up." I scrunched my eyebrows, thinking hard. How did he get to that state? "I'm not exactly sure to be honest," I said, looking over at Phil. I wish I knew. Maybe then I could have stopped this madness from happening. "Well, start from yesterday. What happened yesterday?" The doctor asked, taking a seat across from me, his clipboard and pen in hand. I sat on the bed with Phil, grasping his hand once more. "Well…"

-

"_I hate you, Phil! I hate you!" I screamed, slamming the door to my room._ _Damn him. Why was he leaving so fast? I leaned against my door, slowly sliding down it, holding my legs tight to my chest, tears rapidly falling down my face._

"Hey Dan. I'm going to America to see my parents." Phil said, looking at me with blue eyes. "What? But you just went a couple of days ago?" I replied, glaring at him. He's gone three times already, and it's not even the end of the month. "I know. This time is different though. I'm… I'm going back there. As in moving." He swallowed, playing with his hands. "…Why?" I mumbled, stepping closer to him. I only got a shrug in reply. "Think about everything we've done, Phil! Think about the radio show, and YouTube, and our fans? And what about me? Do I not matter anymore? Have I turned into nothing; just a silly little nobody? Someone you can't stand seeing so much that you have to move back?" I found my voice getting louder with each word, yet I couldn't calm down. I was horribly upset. "Dan, please wait. It's not what you think it is," He began to say, reaching out to grab my wrist. "Please. Just listened to me for a second—" "Forget it, Phil!" I yelled, moving backwards before he could grab me. If he did… I know I'd break down. I know that I'd apologize a billion times and say how I didn't mean to be mad. No, I need to be mad. He deserves it this time. I can't just let him go like that. "Shut up. Just go back to America or wherever the bloody hell you wish to go. I don't care anymore." I felt tears begin to form in my eyes as I looked back into his eyes. I can't cry now. If I do, I admit defeat. "I hate you, Phil!" I yelled, running past him towards my room.  
Yet I was far from hating him.

-

"Oh my god…" I whispered, bringing a shaky hand to my mouth. Was it my fault? Was it my fault that he was in here? Was it my fault that he almost died? And if he did die, the last thing he would have heard was me saying how much I hate him. "Excuse me…" I mumbled to the doctor, getting up. I felt so sick, I needed to get out of this room. My legs began moving on their own, getting me as far away from Phil's room as possible. I don't know where I was going; all I knew is that I needed to get out of there.

If only I stayed a few minutes longer, I would have noticed the bright blue eyes slowly opening back into reality.

~~~

A/N Time!

Wow! I got so many nice comments and great feedback on Chapter One of Saving a Lion. Thanks everyone! :D It really made my day ^-^ I'll definitely keep writing for you guys ;D

I have all these ideas for this story, mwahaha~ -evil laughter-

It's definitely not ending soon is all I can say ;D Do you guys want a smut scene? O-o? I have an idea for one and I know exactly where to put it, but I don't want to write it if more of you then not don't want it D: It'd be a little emotional piece :3  
Or maybe I'll make a separate one shot with it so if you don't want to read it you don't have to. I don't know, you guys choose! :D

But yeah! Hope you enjoyed Chapter Two. Rates and Reviews are much appreciated~ See you next chapter ^-^


	3. Chapter 3

_'How could I let this happen? Why did I say such things to him? It's all my fault.' _

I wandered into the nearest bathroom, going into a stall and sitting next to the toilet. I placed my arms on the seat, laying my head on my arms. If I was in my right state of mind, I wouldn't be resting my head on a toilet seat; let alone sitting on the bathroom floor where Delia knows what has happened there. But it was the only place in the hospital that was seemingly silent. I took a deep breath, looking at one of my hands. I didn't realize how much I had been shaking until now. I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes. It was hard trying to stay strong when your best friend was planning a rendezvous with death. 'But I have to stay strong for him.' I shakily got up, releasing myself form the stall, walking myself over to the sink. I turned the cold faucet, splashing some water on my face. A shiver ran throughout my body as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was a disaster. My hair was pointed every which way, and there were horrid bags under my eyes due to spending each waking moment at Phil's hospital bed, only to go home and lay awake wondering if he was okay. To the average being, I probably just looked very unclean. Like someone who didn't really give a damn about how I looked. Yet little did they know, I was fighting a war on the inside.

"I should go back to him," I whispered to myself, slowly making my departure to the door. A Sudden thought stopped me dead in my tracks.

_What if he didn't want to see me?_

I saved his life when he didn't want me to. What if he didn't want me in his life anymore? Fear grew inside of my chest as I rested my hand on the doorknob. I could already hear Phil's voice playing on repeat inside of my head. The things he could say. The things he could do. I shook my head. "No, Dan stop it. You're his friend. He won't be mad once you explain…" I walked out of the bathroom, wincing at the bright hospital lights. Keeping my gaze fixed towards the ground, I began making my way back to Phil's room. My feet shuffled across the floor, as I was too lazy to take the effort to actually pick my feet up and walk properly. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, focusing on my breath. 'It will be okay.'

As I approached Phil's room, I heard a familiar voice traveling from it. 'No, it couldn't be. It's too early.' I inhaled, holding my breath as I entered the room. I knew it was best to not keep my hopes up too high, but part of me was hoping, wishing, praying he was awake. I looked up, a pair of familiar ocean blue eyes looking back into mine. That soft smile I loved so much slowly made its way onto the black haired boy's face.

"Phil… You're…" I was speechless. I wasn't expecting this, not at all. My legs slowly began to travel over to him sitting next to him on the bed. His smile only widened as I cupped a hand against his face. He was warm. He no longer felt ice cold like he did the morning I found him. "Is this… A dream…?" I wrapped my arms around him, holding him as close to me as possible. I could feel his heart beating against my chest as his strong arms wrapped back around my waist. I backed up a little, just enough to look into his eyes. Hot tears slowly descended down my cheeks. My bottom lip began to tremble as I fought to keep back the tears. Yet it was of no use. I sniffled, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "This isn't a dream. This is real. It's okay to cry, Dan." He softly said to me, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Nice to see you, my little llama."

~~~~

A/N TIME!

Sorry for such short chapters D: I'll try to make a longer chapter next time :D  
I'm actually having a lot of fun writing this, I can't lie. Angst Romance is my favorite thing to write c: (I'm just cold hearted that way. Mwahaha.)  
Rates and Reviews are very much appreciated~ See you next chapter lovelies! :D


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, Mr. Lester. We have decided that you are safe enough to return home. Take one of these every morning, and you should start to feel better in a few days. Here's the card to the therapist I recommend you see, and that's about it! If you need anything, or you feel suicidal again, please don't hesitate to come back." Doctor Jones said, handing Phil a bottle full of small blue pills. Phil nodded his head, before turning to face me. "You ready to leave, Dan?" I was more than ready to return home. Since Phil had been in the hospital, home felt nothing like home. That flat seemed bigger without Phil. It lacked the usual noise it had. I missed his laughter, the grunts he made when playing Spyro, and even the sound of that annoying blender on his daily quest to make the ultimate milkshake. "Let's go," I flashed a smile his way, taking his duffle bag and leading him out of the hospital. "Ah, it's nice to be out of that bloody place." Phil exclaimed, stretching out his arms. A small wince escaped his lips as if he forgot about the stitches scattered across his arms. "Let's walk home," he suggested, quickly shoving his hands in his pockets before I could ask him what was wrong. I haven't seen his wrists since that day. Even when he was in the hospital, he had his wrists covered. Part of me wanted nothing more than to ask him about it, to ask him why he did it, to kiss each cut and whisper how it would be okay. How he mattered. How much he was loved. Yet I knew that now wasn't the time. He just came out of the hospital. I should let him settle in before asking him about it. I looked over at him, a small frown forming on my face. Where was the Amazing Phil that I used to know?

"Home sweet home," I chirped, kicking off my shoes by the door. Phil followed in suit. "Why don't we go to the kitchen? Hospital food never does seem appetizing. I know, I'll make us pancakes." The only reply I managed to get from him was a nod, his eyes fixated towards the ground. I took his hand, leading him into the kitchen. I sat him down on the sofa in the next room, sitting next to him. Silence wafted through the air. There was so much to say, but I didn't know how to put the jumbled thoughts in my head into words. "I'll be right back," I mumbled, getting up from the sofa. I quickly made my way to Phil's room. I flinched as I entered the white room, it still being as messy as it was the day I found him. I walked over to his bed, ignoring the bloody mess that still lied on the floor. 'I should probably get to cleaning that up tonight…' I picked up the giant lion plushie sprawled out in the corner of his bed, holding it to my face and closing my eyes. It smelled just like him and that silly raspberry soap he got by mistake. I turned on my heel, making my leave when a shiny object on the ground captured my attention.

_Phil's razor._

I picked it up, twirling the sharp object in my hand. Without a second thought, I stuck it in my back pocket. It would be best if Phil didn't have this in his possession. It may be a good idea to sweep through his room later and take away anything he could potentially use. The last thing I want is to find him in the state he was in last time; or even worse.

"Hey Phil! Rawr!" I threw the plushie over at him, barely a flinch escaping his body as the lion hit his face. He was still in the same position I left him in. The black haired boy picked up the lion, earning a small smile on his face as he cradled it close to his chest. I couldn't help but feel a sigh of relief wash over me. At least part of him was still the Phil I knew.

"Eggs… Flour…" I whispered, looking for the ingredients to make the pancakes. Not just any pancakes; Delia Smith pancakes. "Delia knows just how to hit the spot!" I yelled at Phil in the other room. Pulling up my pants and rolling up my sleeves, I began to get to work. I was just about ready to begin pouring the batter into the pan, when a pair of pale arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to this stranger's chest. "Phil? What's wrong?" I asked, a shiver running throughout my body as I felt his warm breath on my neck. "You'll flip the pancakes wrong…" He mumbled, watching as I poured some batter into the pan. I placed my hands on the handle of the pan, ready to flip them when his hands covered mine. "I'll help. 1… 2… 3…" he whispered silently, flipping the pancake with me. To my surprise, the pancake landed perfectly in the pan. "Thanks Phil." I replied, trying my best to hide the blush that was evident on my face. He was being rather close tonight. Is it because he is sorry for what happened? The two of us continued making pancakes until there was a nice stack of them on the plate lying on the counter. "Go sit down, I'll bring them out." Phil nodded, slowly unwrapping his arms from my waist. My heart sunk slightly as his touch disappeared. Collecting the caster sugar and honey, I brought everything needed for our meal out to the table, placing a plate of pancakes in front of Phil before taking my usual place at the table. The two of us ate in silence. Several times I opened my mouth to say something, only to close it once again. For the first time in a while, I had no clue what to talk about with my best friend.

"Hey Dan, I'm going to head to bed." Phil said to me as he dried his hair with a towel. That raspberry soap was rather strong smelling. How did girls use such soap? It wafts through the room so easily. I closed my laptop, nodding my head at his comment as I stood up from the sofa. "Phil, can you do me a favor?" He cocked his head to the side, his eyebrows scrunching together in confusion. "Please sleep with me tonight." Gosh Dan, pull yourself together. Don't seem so nervous and shaky. It's for Phil's own good. I looked up at the older male, watching his jaw tighten then relax. "Fine." He grumbled, picking up his lion from the table and making his way into my room. I followed, closing the door and turned off the lights. The brightness from the light in the corner was enough to see my way through the room. I quickly stripped, putting on my pajama pants before climbing into bed after Phil. I didn't worry too much about wearing a shirt. It was unusually warm in my room anyway. "Goodnight Phil." I said before turning onto my side away from him, attempting sleep. Even though he was home, I felt my heart still racing with the same anxiety as if he would slip through my fingers like he almost had before. I was snapped out of my thought when an arm draped itself over my waist, pulling me closer to his chest for the second time today. "Night." He sleepily mumbled, burying his head into the back of my neck. I intertwined my fingers with his, a soft smile coming to my face. Maybe I won't lose him tonight. My eye caught to his wrists, and I felt my breath hitch. Even though it was dark, the marks on his wrist were still clearly visible. I reached out, touching each cut lightly with my fingertips. "Dan, go to sleep." Phil mumbled, pressing a kiss to my ear before wrapping his arms around my midsection. My eyes grew heavy, Phil's steady breathing slowly lulling me into a wonderful slumber I haven't experienced in days.

A/N Time!

I don't know why but this chapter was really hard to write for some reason OTL I'm not the most proud of it, yet at the same time I am? How does that work?

Good news! Dan and Phil are in my home state this week! That's rather exciting if you ask me.

Bad news: What happened in Boston. Guys, please keep the victims and families of the bombing in your thoughts and prayers. It is a tragic event. My prayers go out to everyone affected.

But yeah! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Rates and Reviews are very much appreciated3 See you next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

"Phil, let's go out today. We could go to Starbucks, and you can get that eggnog latte you enjoy so much." I said, holding out his morning glass of tea as well as his antidepressant. The older male's face scrunched up as he looked at the item, turning his head abruptly to look in the opposite direction. "Phil, you have to take it," I sighed. We went through this same struggle each morning. Phil was supposed to be older, why was he acting like he was four? I gained a violent shake of his head as my reply, which only caused another sigh to escape my chapped lips. "Fine. I guess I'll have to force you to." I placed the tea and the pill on the table next to the sofa, before sitting next to Phil. My hands wandered to his ribs, slowly moving on their own. A light giggle soon turned to uncontrollable laughter as Phil began flailing around, begging me through breaths to stop what I was started. "Only when you agree to take your medicine." I watched as he pouted, looking up at me with that puppy dog face he knew I loved so much. "Now, none of that." I handed him the items again, watching him hesitantly swallow the pill with a hefty swig of tea. "Good. Now go get changed. We're going out." I patted his leg, standing up and making my way over to my own room. I hope Phil begins to speak soon, returning to his normal self. I don't think I can take much more of the eerie silence that fills the flat.

I watched as Phil plastered on a fake smile, vlogging as we walked to Starbucks. I stuffed my hands deep within my coat pocket, a small snarl escaping my lips. I couldn't stand to see him like this. To see the boy I love to act how he didn't feel. To see the boy I love with such sadness in his blue eyes as he acted fine in front of the camera, just so no one would worry about him

_The boy I love._

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks, and only then did I realize Phil had the camera turned on me. "Isn't that right Dan?" "Yeah, sure." I muttered, trying my best to hide the apparent blush that painted my face. I coughed lightly, hoping Phil would take the hint to take the camera off of me. He nodded, turning the camera off for the moment before sticking it in his back pocket.

"Two eggnog lattes please!" I flashed a smile at the cashier, giving her the proper amount. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Phil in our usual area in the back of the shop. It was nice and quiet back there. Unless you were looking for it, it was practically hidden from view. We could stay there as long as our hearts desired, and no one ever came over to ask us to leave. I picked up our drinks, carefully walking over to my companion, making sure I didn't spill any of it. I placed the drink in front of Phil, watching as he mumbled his thanks, picking up his stirrer and slowly stirring his latte, as if trying to distract himself from some thought running through his mind. "A penny for your thoughts?" I asked, taking a small sip of my drink. "If you have a penny, that would be rather interesting." This caused a small chuckle from the two of us as I jokingly reached into my wallet as if I was looking for the peculiar American currency. My face lit up as I found a small penny in the corner of the wallet, chucking it across the table at him. "Where'd you get this?" he questioned, observing the piece of copper in his hand. "Magic. Now go." I waved my hand in the air, motioning him to begin. "Not now. Soon, I promise." A frown found its way on to my lips. How much longer was I going to be left in the dark? "Alright," I mumbled, the conversation ending there. We continued our drinks in silence, occasionally passing a few words about useless matters, just to calm the silence.

"Ready to leave?" I asked, taking his empty cup away from him, throwing it away in a nearby garbage can. He stood up, making his way to the door, when he suddenly paused in his tracks. "Phil, what's wrong?" I rushed over to him, the anxiety of what he was about to say already filling my brain. He pointed outside, a soft smile taking up his face. "It's snowing."

"Hey Phil. There's one last stop I want to make." Phil furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, tilting his head to the side, curious on where else I could ever want to go. I reached out, grabbing his hand pulling him forward. "Come on. It's a surprise." We slowly made our way down town, snow covering our hair as we paced the busy city streets until we ended up at a tall, momentous site. The London Eye. Luckily there was not much of a line. I smiled at the man in charge of the Ferris wheel, paying him for both Phil and I as he motioned us into a cart, closing the door as soon as we took our seats. The two of us turned our head to look outside, the city lights and falling snow proving to make a beautiful sight as we ascended into the air. I watched as Phil made a move to take the camera out of his pocket, but I touched his arm before he had the chance. I knew he was doing it in hopes of stopping the silence, but right now, I just wanted to talk to him. He took the hint, removing his hand from his back pocket and placing it back on his lap. "Phil… I made this for you." I reached into my jacket pocket, pulling out several small, handmade yarn bracelets, placing them in the palm of his hand. "I thought you could use them to cover up… you know." I scratched the back of my head, the aura in the air suddenly becoming tense as the Ferris wheel paused, with our cart at the highest point. "I thought you said you only got your bracelets from the running festival." He questioned, observing each one. "Yeah well… I have a secret hobby." I nervously laughed. "Here, let me help you put them on." One by one, I tied them on his wrists. I could feel his warm breath on my cinnamon colored hair as I finished tying them on, before looking up at him. Brown eyes met blue, and I suddenly realized how close we were. Part of me said back away, but the other part of me didn't.

_If you're going to tell him, tell him now._

I slowly snaked a hand around the older male's waist, my other hand making it's way on his cheek.

"Phil. I think I love you. Not this bromance kind of love. But more than that."

It was his turn to blush at the comment. He huffed, looking away in hopes of hiding what was obviously shown on his face. I softly kissed the corner of his lip, before he turned to me, pressing a light kiss against my lips. I felt the heat in my body intensify as I kissed him back. I felt the electricity running through our lips as I deepened the kiss. The only thing that separated us was the need for air, as we backed away from each other, panting lightly. I took one of his hands in mine, interlocking our fingers, smiling at the boy I have known for years. I gained a smile in return, this one being wider and happier than any of the ones since he has come home from the hospital.

"I love you too, Dan."

A/N Time.

Oh I'm so sorry this is delayed D: I had writers block –hides in a cave- I was awkwardly smashing my face against the keyboard trying to think of ideas.

Yes. I got many strange looks. Don't judge.

This story will be ending soon D: But don't worry lovelies, I SHALL HAVE MORE FOR YOU SOON3

Rates and reviews make my day~ Seeing your nice comments seriously fill me with so much joy each night ;_; Thank you for your kindness!

Until next time~


	6. Chapter 6 (Update thingy)

PLEASE READ DONT SKIP IT OR ELSE I'LL FIND YOU AND FORCE YOU TO DRINK CHOCOLATE MILK THROUGH A SILLY STRAW WHILE DOING THE HOKEY POKEY BLINDFOLDED.

Now that I have your attention! I'm so sorry it's taking me ages to write chapter six OTL -hides under a rock-

school has been hectic. I have my AP exam this Wednesday and I'm freaking out ;-;  
So please don't send an army of llamas and lions to come rip me apart ;A;! I'M NOT TASTY I SWEAR!

But yeah. I have eight days of classes left, and then finals! C:

So expect chapter six up really soon.

BUT ANYWAY. I hope you lovelies are doing well, and I hope to see you guys soon  
SEE YOU LOVELIES.

-

Also a side note!  
This story obviously deals with suicide and cutting.  
And there are some of you who have gone through such things.  
I just want you to know you're not alone.  
I've been there too.

If you ever need me, my inbox is always open. Whether it's because you need a shoulder to cry on, to rant, or even just someone to talk to, I'm here for all of you c:  
I'll answer back as soon as possible too, promise 3

But always remember. You are loved. You're special and unique.

Stay strong lovelies~ I'm here for you3

-

One more thingy! I also have a account! If you like my work, I'd be honored if you check me out/follow me on there!  
I'm in the process of writing a new story which will be uploaded to there c: Plus I check it a little more than lD  
user/KiroujisWonderland


	7. Chapter 7

"Dan. We need to go out today." I looked up, the owner of that familiar voice looming over my sitting figure. "Sure. For what though?" Phil's eyes darted towards the ground, shifting his weight from foot to foot, expressing his discomfort. "To talk." I felt my breath hitch at his words. Whatever could he mean? Could it be about last night and the events we went through? "Of course, Phil. Just tell me when you're ready." The black hair boy nodded, quickly shuffling out of the room. I rose from my slouched position, a wave of relief coming from my aching back. I swear, if I continue to slouch like that, in a few years I'll be walking like a senior citizen or something.

"May we go to the park?" I nodded, my mind still preoccupied with what was to come. I began to pick up my pace to catch up with Phil, who was quite a way ahead of me. Was he nervous of what was to come, also? Or was he speeding his pace so he could hurry up and get it over with? What if he was getting ready to throw me away? I couldn't blame him if he wanted to. I saved him after he wished not to be saved. I wiped away the layer of sweat forming on my brow with the back of my hand, trying my best to keep calm. This was Phil! He wouldn't throw me away… Would he?

"Dan? Dan? Are you okay?" Phil placed his hand on my shoulder, instantly snapping me out of my trance. "Yes, I'm fine. What was it you wanted to talk about?" I coldly asked. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I was just in a state of panic. I felt my body quickly relax as a pair of soft lips pressed against my own. It wasn't a long kiss, but just enough to calm me down. "Relax, Dan. Come, let's go sit down." I looked around us, seeing a few people give us a dirty glare. With the state I was in, I didn't even realize that we made it to the park, let alone that he kissed me in public. I felt my face heat up in an instant, nodding to his suggestion. He took my hand, leading me under a nearby tree away from the public eye. It was just us. This was it. Now was what I was waiting for.

"What did you need to tell me, Phil?" I asked, looking at our intertwined fingers. I felt a small smile tug on the corner of my lips. What if this was the last time we got to hold hands?

"It's about… Why I'm leaving. Why I did what I did and such."

I felt my body tense up at his reply. If it wasn't for him lightly squeezing my hand, I would have surely faded into black.

"Go on."

"Well… I left… For us."

What in the word did he mean by that statement?

"I kept going back and forth between America and England because I knew how much you loved New York. In New York, we could be us. We could love without judgment."

I felt my heart race and my face flush a deep shade of red at his comment. That was why? He did it for us? "If that's the case… Then why did you try killing yourself?"

"After our fight… I thought you didn't love me anymore. I thought that you truly hated me. Dan, I can't live without you. If you wanted me gone… Then I was ready to do exactly that."

A twinge of pain pierced my heart at his comment. He was just trying to think about us and our future. And all I did was push him away with no second thought or without even listening to why he did what he did. I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes, and I quickly tried wiping them away without success; they only continued to fall. I hid my face in my hands, trying not to show Phil my weakness. It was all my fault.

"Shhh… Love, don't cry." Phil whispered, pulling me against his chest into a tight hug. "It's my fault. I'm so sorry" I choked out between sobs, clutching tightly to his arms. "It's not your fault." He whispered, kissing the top of my head as he played with my hair. "It's my fault, Dan. I didn't explain what was going on. You had every right to lash out at me and do what you did."

I looked up at him, a pleading look in my eyes. He took the hint, leaning down and gently placing his lips against mine. I pushed my lips back against his, the tears slowly coming to a halt. The kiss was sweet and full of passion, showing he truly cared. I pushed him gently onto the grass, climbing on top of him so I was straddling him. I broke the kiss for a moment; blue eyes meeting brown ones. Phil smiled sweetly at me, reaching a hand up to cup my face, before pulling me back down for a kiss.

I could care less that we were in public. He was mine. I didn't care if the whole world saw.  
Phil slowly deepened the kiss, licking my bottom lip. I allowed him access, not even thinking twice as I opened my mouth slightly. Our tongues slid past each other, the two of us fighting for dominance. That sweet kiss soon turned hungry, and I craved him more than other. But the need for air soon came over us, and I broke away gasping for air. I pressed our foreheads together, smiling sheepishly at him before rolling off him, cuddling against his chest. I leaned up to press a kiss to his jaw.

"I love you, Phil."

"I love you too, my little llama."

-

A/N:

SO YEAH. I FINALLY UPDATED. DO YOU GUYS LOVE ME NOW OR WHAT. :D

There's probably going to be one more chapter of this story left, and it will be all over! D: But don't you cry my lovelies~ I have another Phan fiction in mind ;D (Two to be exact!) So do keep on the lookout for those c:

And if you have a Wattpad look for me on there! I have a new story I'm starting with two of my other characters c: My ID on there is KiroujisWonderland

As always, thank you for reading, and if you need anything, please message me ^-^

Rates and reviews are always appreciated ^o^ See you guys soon!


	8. I'M SO SORRY QAQ

AN/

….I am so sorry  
QAQ I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS STORY IN MONTHS.

I'VE BEEN SOO LAZY T^T

BUT DON'T FRET!

I will upload the next and final chapter tomorrow, I promise! ^o^

For now… -gives you an apologetic cake- Enjoy this cake until then uvu 3

I'm super sorry guys, it'll be here tomorrow!

If you need anything, let me know! See you then!


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